Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I might Be ... I might be Not

The two week wait (lovingly referred to as the TWW by TTC [trying to conceive] couples) is hellish enough on it's own.

For those who aren't familiar, because I know I wouldn't be if I hadn't had all these troubles, it's the 14 day stretch from ovulation to menstruation. It's the excruciating time between "trying" and either discovering a conception, or, well, not.

This almost unbearable waiting period during which I grow increasingly anxious and hopeless is horrible enough without adding injected hormones that create drug-induced pregnancy symptoms. I've come to the conclusion that the most inhumane thing to do to a TTC woman is to inject HCG (the pregnancy hormone) into her system, which causes her to feel pregnant, and then tell her to "just wait". I understand the medical reasons for doing so, but here I am on my second round of drugs, feeling pregnant, dealing with fatigue, increased appetite, heartburn, swelling, bloating and headaches ... all while knowing that inevitably, the drugs will wear off, the symptoms will fade, my little dream world of pretending I'm actually pregnant will float away, and I'll be left with my period, a flat belly, and another round of treatments.


  1. Hi Kristin,
    I feel compelled to write. I remember having seen you around during my time at NWC, and have periodically read your blog, knowing we have some mutual friends (I shared in some NWC ed classes with Mrs. Cora Roberts in my day). Anyway, I have seen you struggle with your infertility on your blog and want to give you a dose of hope today!! Please just know God is near, He hears your cries, your fears, and your worries, and He is enough!! I imagine you've heard that plenty of times, but just for today, please know that! I find myself being especially vulnerable, and know that spending daily time with GOD has helped a lot, and finding others who share the pain of m/c.

    I recently had a m/c in June at 11 weeks, and know a glimpse of what you're going through. We hope to start trying again in September. Like you, HOPE is our word!! HOPEfully we can use HOPE as our daughter's middle name...when we have a daughter :) Have you ever thought about naming your m/c babies? Long story short, we chose to name our m/c baby Noah Joseph. There's a long story to how we came up with the name, but I believe God is promising something to us through it. Noah means "comfort" and Joseph means "The Lord will increase".

    Take JOY and REST, Kristin, in our heavenly Father today!!!

    Oh, and I totally know all those acronyms...i.e. TWW, TTC, BD, AF, etc. I am on a BabyCenter messageboard and every day, I swear there's something new to learn!