The Start of Something: Sifted

I attended my first church planter's conference this week. And I'm shaking my head, thinking about how just over a year ago, I had NO IDEA I was going to add "church planter's wife" to my list of roles. What a crazy ride we've been on!

This week has caused a lot of emotions to rise within me. I think a lot of the questions, doubts, fears, whatever you call them, have been simmering beneath the surface of my soul for a while, and I think two things caused them to finally boil: a week away at a conference titled "Sifted", and the approaching reality of Baby L's arrival.

The theme of the conference was "Sifted", based on Luke 22:31-32:

"Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail."

I kept thinking about how relatively easy the move to Madison was for us. And how smoothly we settled into a new life, a new routine. But then I thought, "Has it really been that smooth? Or have I just been 'gettin' it done'?" Moving forward, accomplishing, driving, settling, "succeeding" ... have I really stopped to allow myself the emotion of moving across the country? Or of taking such a huge step of faith? I think at times I had, early on, so I just assumed I was okay by now.

Well here's the thing: I think I'm being or about to be sifted.

My fears of being a mother of two, my anxieties of the "7 year itch" in marriage, my constant voice of discouragement in my head about my job and ambitions (or lack there of) in my field, my insecurities about my ability to support my husband and help lead a church ... these things are all coming to a head, and honestly?

I WANT to be sifted. I WANT to face some (or all) of this junk head on, dig to the root of it, and figure out a way to come out on the other side, not unscathed, but stronger because of my battle. I'm sick of running, hiding, denying, ignoring. 

One of the workshop leaders encouraged me to read this psalm, and I'm in love with it. :)

"Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory.
Who have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;
you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.
But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works."
Psalm 73:23-28

"It's All About Community"

I don't even know how or why it started, but the phrase has stuck with me.

"It's all about community."

My friend Terri came to visit me in Denver in what feels like many many years ago now. (We're so old you know.)

As we tootled around Denver and the Front Range area, somehow we got stuck on this phrase "It's all about community."

I honestly don't remember why this came about, but like I said, it has stuck with me.

And it's so stinkin' true!

As many of you know, we moved in September to Sun Prairie, Wisconsin, just outside of Madison to help our friends, Dave and Becky Tilma, with the church they were in the process of launching. After a few months of settling in, it was decided that Erik would take over "community" at Ezra, while Dave headed up the one-on-one discipleship component.  (This is of course among the dozens of other things they divvy up as the only full time staff. :) )

This suits Erik--and his wife (me :) )--well, as our experience in ministry has caused us to become firm believers in the importance of some type of small group--life group, growth group, cell group. Call 'em what you want, but the key idea is this: It's all about community. (Of course, it's also "all about" Jesus, getting in the Word, serving etc, but community's right up them in importance.)

So in February, Growth Groups were launched. I've been leading a women's group with eight attending, including myself. And may I just say, it has been a BLAST! Because ....

It's all about community. 

Some comments from the ladies throughout these 10 weeks so far:

At the start of week 2: "I loved knowing people at church on Sunday! I could say hi to, like, 6 ladies I usually would have walked right past!"

"I wish this Growth Group could go on forever!"

"Yeah--her husband's going to help us fix our car this weekend. I love knowing people at church!"

"I love coming each week--even though we're all different ages and stages, I've learned so much from these ladies!"

"Can we do another women's Growth Group?"

"Can we do a women's retreat? I think that'd be a blast, now that I know people."

"I've never thought about these topics before ... and I love discussing the book with my new friends!"

"Can we have a reunion?!"

I could go on and on and on ... but let's suffice it to say .... :)

It's all about community. 

We can read the Word, pray to our Lord, even show up weekly on a Sunday morning and sip coffee and eat donuts together. But if we're not investing in someone else's life, and allowing someone else to invest in ours, and taking off our masks and getting real with each other, we're seriously missing out.





Seriously.

So, if your church offers some sort of small group experience and you've been too scared, or too busy, or too whatever to try one out--DO IT NOW.

Because ..... Say it with me ....

It's all about community!!!

Sure, Steadfast Anchor of my Soul

Hebrews 6: 18b-19a: ... have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul ...

I was home this weekend sort of by accident. My flight out of Sacramento was delayed 2.5 hours, causing me to miss my connection in Denver. So, I was pushed to a 10pm flight, and got to spend my 10 hour layover with my family. What a blessing in MAJOR disguise! 

Except that I miss my family. And lately, I just miss being home. Not that Wisconsin isn't home--of course it is because Erik and Joshua are there. But really, Colorado is home. That's where I've lived for over half my life. It's where I spent all of my marriage until now. It's where I built community, it's where my family is. 

It's home and I miss it. 

But, God has called me to be away from my home. Which, really, as a Christian, I should be used to anyway, as we are all longing for our eternal home, away from this world. (Though Colorado Rocky Mountains in the summer are pretty close to that eternal home, I think ...)

This verse struck me this morning. Home is not my sure steadfast anchor. Neither is family. HOPE is. Hope in Christ is my sure, steadfast, anchor of my soul. 

And for that I'm very thankful, because without that, it'd be super hard to be this far away from home.

Tattoos and My One Year Old

How do you start a new church?

You tell people about it.

Sounds simple right? Well, not for me. I hate to be perceived as pushy, salesy or "yanking your arm" in any way. And so I tend to shy away from giving the schpeel about our church, even though ...

I believe in the vision
I agree with the mission
I want people to know Christ
and
I think our church is pretty cool
(http://www.ezrachurch.com)

Even then... I still have a hard time. I watched Erik meet a salesclerk and give the schpeel--and even though my tension rose as I tried to evaluate her response, she seemed just fine! She listened, knodded and say, "Oh! Well isn't that nice." (With full Wisconsin accent of course.)

So, I'm trying. In my own way.

Thank goodness for tattoos and my one year old. 

Without these things, I wouldn't know how to start conversations! But having Joshua is an easy in. And the tattoos have proven themselves awesome conversation starters again and again and again.

Case(s) in point ....

At the park the other day, as our children ran around the playground, I met a lady and told her I was new to the area (another easy-in for us right now--it makes people ask us questions!). Told her briefly we are here to start a church. It got a little awkward, as sometimes people don't know what to say to that. Weird thing is, yesterday Erik and Joshua and I went down to a lake side park in Madison and who comes walking up the sidewalk?? This lady and her son! So, we met again, and laughed about how we'd both end up at the same place so far from home. I am now fervently praying that we'll meet again and again and again. :)

At the diner in downtown Sun Prairie, a family of three (Mom, Dad, 10 yr old girl) sat across the aisle from us in their own booth. They ate in peace, while we ate and managed a one year old who has truly discovered the tantrum. (At one point he reared his head back so hard he hit it on the wall, thus screaming louder. Beautiful. I'm pretty sure the whole restaurant turned to watch as I took him outside to calm down.) Niceties were exchanged about how they would trade their 15 year old for our one year old (I think they're crazy) and we got up to leave. Erik and Joshua walked out, and while I gathered the diaper bag, the Dad says, "So, how much did those hurt?" indicating my wrists.

Yea for tattoos.

This led into a quite long conversation about tattoos, pastors, why they don't attend church, how old their kids are, where I live, where they live, what my husband does, how they never woulda guessed he was a pastor, how great Sun Prairie is for raising kids, how they chose their daughter's name, how I share the ten year old's middle name, until finally I asked, "Soooo....does your daughter babysit?"

Now they have a flier for our church, and I have their home phone, all their names, and a great start to a fun relationship with a family who lives only 2 blocks from us! Tattoos and a one year old--nice!

Crazy coincidence, if you believe in those ...

We then stopped by our landlords place to give them some paperwork. After chatting for a while, I mentioned something about meeting a family at the diner, and their daughter Hope babysits ... and my landlord's face went from confused, to thinking hard to ... "Oh! You mean the (insert last name)?" And I said, "Uh....yes...." and she said, "Oh my! Their ten year old is close friends with my daughter! What a great family .... "

Hilarious. This happened the same day that I had run into the lady and her son downtown. God is connecting us all over the place!

And just now, at the park, thank goodness for my one year old ... a young girl, far too young to have the three kids she was playing with, was at the park. I asked her if she was babysitting and she said yep! Turns out she's a college student who lives 15 minutes from here and babysits. I started to walk home, but seriously felt like I was supposed to go talk to her more and get her info. So, I did. I said, "Sorry if this seems odd, but I'm new to the area and sometime soon my husband and I are going to need a date night! Can I get your contact info?" I told her we're here to start a new church, and she seemed intrigued. Typical me, I didn't launch into the schpeel, but I will now proceed to connect with her, ask her to babysit and see where the relationship goes!

Erik and I are going to have a go on a lot of date nights if I keep using babysitting as a way to meet people!

And so, this is how you start a church, and further God's kingdom. Kristin-style.

My Life Lately

Life is a little bit of a blur lately. I remember the beginning of August ... but I'm not quite sure when and how it became August 25th. I remember saying that I wanted August to be over ... and here it is almost over and I'm not sure how I feel about that!

I'm excited to move and start this adventure--an adventure we've been talking about and planning for since April. 

I'm scared silly to do every day life without our amazing support network of family and friends.

I'm anticipating the joy of discovering a new life and new friendships. 

I'm nervous for the meltdown that I know will come once I've used up all the adrenaline from moving.

I'm counting on the growth that will be forced upon me in new situations and life experiences.

I'm grieving the inevitable fade of friendships and loss of connection--Facebook is incredible, but there's nothing like a real live squishy human hug.

I'm in awe of how quickly this has happened ... and shocked at how slow these months have seemed. 

I'm proud of us for doing this ... and nostalgic already for "the good ole days" in Colorado. 

I'm looking forward to doing life in Sun Prairie ... and I'm already tired of saying goodbye in Colorado. And it has truly barely begun .... 

Awareness and articulation--these are two words that have stuck out to me lately. I, increasingly every day, become aware  of my feelings, emotions (and hormones I'm sure!) that are swirling around inside of me. And after a bit of processing, it becomes very essential that I be allowed to articulate these feelings and emotions, without fear of rejection, bad consequences, and/or toooooo much sympathy and pity. Aware, articulate, move on. (and sometimes revisit!) That's been my process lately. So, if you run into me, and I randomly blab some form of articulation about how I'm feeling--I'm sorry! If it sounds for a minute like I'm crabby about this move--I'm not! I'm just in the process of processing. The journey of awareness and articulation. It's a rollercoaster, that's for sure.

But let's be very clear about one thing: I am choosing this. Choosing this because God has called us to it, and I choose to be in His will. Because as much as I'd love to be near family, as much as I'd love to stay with friends, as much as I love my view of the mountains .... His place for me is far better than my place for me. So do not be confused. I am not angry, I am not kicking and screaming, I am not fighting. I'm just aware, and articulating. :)

Waterfalls, Dams and Kinkos.

I cry a lot lately.

Just here and there, and everywhere--any random thing can make the waters rise and trickle down my cheeks.

At the local park, as I round the corner of the pond and gaze on the most beautiful mountain range I've ever lived near and realize that I'm leaving my mountains.

At the FedEx/Kinkos office, where James, the most helpful and kindest employee ever, remembers my name, and recalls that my son is about 1 1/2 (Josh is 15 months old--I'd say James was pretty close!)

At the weekly Bible study with ladies I've taken for granted and now realize I will deeply deeply miss ... no explanation needed. The tears flow just writing about it.

At the sound of Joshua squealing and clapping in delight as we make the right turn into my parents' drive. My tears could rival waterfalls in the Amazon.

At the memories in this home, the far off voices in the walls, the images that float through the halls. The dam might break forever if I contemplate what leaving this house will feel like.

At the moment in Denver where I thought I heard someone call our names. No one did, but the fact that I knew we could run into someone we knew was wonderful. Until I remembered we're moving to a place where no one knows us and it'll be rare for many years for us to run into people we know anywhere we go.

At the twists and turns and streets and stoplights that I can navigate in my sleep, and have since high school.

At the reassurance that I always have a place to go when I need a break, a hug or some super super super ridiculously strong coffee. (A.K.A. Mom and Dad's. The coffee is always stronger when Mom makes it though...)

At the truth that explodes in my heart that while this is where I'm known, this is where I reside, this is where I wish I could live forever ... I'm no longer called to be here. The tears that well and gush and flow at that are a mixture of grief and hope. Grief at leaving my home, and hope at the prospect of an adventure. Grief at leaving the known for the unknown, and hope at the blessings of following the call of my Lord. Grief and hope ... tears and more tears.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again--moving is hard.

Support: We Need It

To all my friends and family out there:

As you know, we are preparing to move to Madison, WI to help launch a church. Ezra Church (www.ezrachurch.com) just started officially in April. We plan to move there at the end of August, and are pretty excited for this adventure!

We are seeking prayer and financial supporters. This could be you! (In fact, if you are a follower of Christ and know how to pray, than I KNOW this is you. :) )

We've heard it said that church planting is on the "front lines" of ministry--Satan does not want effective, vibrant churches to flourish in the nation! 3,500-4,000 churches CLOSE every year in America. And only 1,000-1,500 are planted. This is why we believe in taking this next step! A new church plant has advantages in reaching people for Christ:
A: It's a fresh new start--it's new, people wanna check it out.
B: It has a strong vision--hey, the vision was just created, so it hasn't had time to dilute and fade yet!
C: It's outreach focused--there is no "in" club, no cliques--everyone is new!

Please consider joining us in the adventure. If you'd like to join our prayer team, please email me at kristin.lindeen @ gmail.com (omit spaces). If you'd like to find out how to make a monthly financial commitment, or even give a one time gift, please contact me! I'd love share more with you.

And check out Erik's blog at www.lindeenfamily.com.


Thank you for your support! We couldn't do this without you.