Oh How Life Has Changed

Mother's Day in 2009 ... I purposefully scheduled a weekend getaway so as to not have to be at church.

(Granted, I mixed up my dates, and we actually had our getaway the weekend before Mother's Day, so I ended up still at church that morning. But you get the point--I did NOT want to be there.) 

2009 Blog

Mother's Day 2010 ... I had a 2 week old! Quite a change from the year before.

2010 Blog

Mother's Day 2011 ... I hardly remember. Our life had just been turned upside down, and that following weekend we were headed to Madison, WI to see what God had in store for us at Ezra Church. It's a blur to me! 

2011 Blog

Mother's Day 2012 ... I'm pregnant with Baby Girl, halfway done! I'm heads over heels in love with my little buddy, Joshua, and incredibly blessed to do life with a man who loves me as unconditionally as a human can. 

I feel like this is the first Mother's Day that I truly experienced as a mother. 2010 I was barely a mom--still sleep walking, and recovering from natural delivery. :) 2011 was, like I said, a blur. This year--this year--I really appreciated the day, and felt truly appreciated. By my husband, who let me take a nap, go shopping and eat pizza and by my son, who is old enough now to give me random hugs, say "I-ol-u, Mama!" (I love you, Mama!), and ask me to "cuddlecuddlecuddle" relentlessly.

Motherhood--what a long awaited, and incredibly cherished blessing.

Happy future Mother's Day to all of you out there who wish-hope-dream to be mothers someday. I've been there, and I know how this day can pierce a heart ... Claim Psalm 62:5 this morning .... Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. And focus today on cherishing the mothers in your life!

The Start of Something: Sifted

I attended my first church planter's conference this week. And I'm shaking my head, thinking about how just over a year ago, I had NO IDEA I was going to add "church planter's wife" to my list of roles. What a crazy ride we've been on!

This week has caused a lot of emotions to rise within me. I think a lot of the questions, doubts, fears, whatever you call them, have been simmering beneath the surface of my soul for a while, and I think two things caused them to finally boil: a week away at a conference titled "Sifted", and the approaching reality of Baby L's arrival.

The theme of the conference was "Sifted", based on Luke 22:31-32:

"Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail."

I kept thinking about how relatively easy the move to Madison was for us. And how smoothly we settled into a new life, a new routine. But then I thought, "Has it really been that smooth? Or have I just been 'gettin' it done'?" Moving forward, accomplishing, driving, settling, "succeeding" ... have I really stopped to allow myself the emotion of moving across the country? Or of taking such a huge step of faith? I think at times I had, early on, so I just assumed I was okay by now.

Well here's the thing: I think I'm being or about to be sifted.

My fears of being a mother of two, my anxieties of the "7 year itch" in marriage, my constant voice of discouragement in my head about my job and ambitions (or lack there of) in my field, my insecurities about my ability to support my husband and help lead a church ... these things are all coming to a head, and honestly?

I WANT to be sifted. I WANT to face some (or all) of this junk head on, dig to the root of it, and figure out a way to come out on the other side, not unscathed, but stronger because of my battle. I'm sick of running, hiding, denying, ignoring. 

One of the workshop leaders encouraged me to read this psalm, and I'm in love with it. :)

"Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory.
Who have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;
you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.
But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works."
Psalm 73:23-28

"It's All About Community"

I don't even know how or why it started, but the phrase has stuck with me.

"It's all about community."

My friend Terri came to visit me in Denver in what feels like many many years ago now. (We're so old you know.)

As we tootled around Denver and the Front Range area, somehow we got stuck on this phrase "It's all about community."

I honestly don't remember why this came about, but like I said, it has stuck with me.

And it's so stinkin' true!

As many of you know, we moved in September to Sun Prairie, Wisconsin, just outside of Madison to help our friends, Dave and Becky Tilma, with the church they were in the process of launching. After a few months of settling in, it was decided that Erik would take over "community" at Ezra, while Dave headed up the one-on-one discipleship component.  (This is of course among the dozens of other things they divvy up as the only full time staff. :) )

This suits Erik--and his wife (me :) )--well, as our experience in ministry has caused us to become firm believers in the importance of some type of small group--life group, growth group, cell group. Call 'em what you want, but the key idea is this: It's all about community. (Of course, it's also "all about" Jesus, getting in the Word, serving etc, but community's right up them in importance.)

So in February, Growth Groups were launched. I've been leading a women's group with eight attending, including myself. And may I just say, it has been a BLAST! Because ....

It's all about community. 

Some comments from the ladies throughout these 10 weeks so far:

At the start of week 2: "I loved knowing people at church on Sunday! I could say hi to, like, 6 ladies I usually would have walked right past!"

"I wish this Growth Group could go on forever!"

"Yeah--her husband's going to help us fix our car this weekend. I love knowing people at church!"

"I love coming each week--even though we're all different ages and stages, I've learned so much from these ladies!"

"Can we do another women's Growth Group?"

"Can we do a women's retreat? I think that'd be a blast, now that I know people."

"I've never thought about these topics before ... and I love discussing the book with my new friends!"

"Can we have a reunion?!"

I could go on and on and on ... but let's suffice it to say .... :)

It's all about community. 

We can read the Word, pray to our Lord, even show up weekly on a Sunday morning and sip coffee and eat donuts together. But if we're not investing in someone else's life, and allowing someone else to invest in ours, and taking off our masks and getting real with each other, we're seriously missing out.





Seriously.

So, if your church offers some sort of small group experience and you've been too scared, or too busy, or too whatever to try one out--DO IT NOW.

Because ..... Say it with me ....

It's all about community!!!

Sure, Steadfast Anchor of my Soul

Hebrews 6: 18b-19a: ... have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul ...

I was home this weekend sort of by accident. My flight out of Sacramento was delayed 2.5 hours, causing me to miss my connection in Denver. So, I was pushed to a 10pm flight, and got to spend my 10 hour layover with my family. What a blessing in MAJOR disguise! 

Except that I miss my family. And lately, I just miss being home. Not that Wisconsin isn't home--of course it is because Erik and Joshua are there. But really, Colorado is home. That's where I've lived for over half my life. It's where I spent all of my marriage until now. It's where I built community, it's where my family is. 

It's home and I miss it. 

But, God has called me to be away from my home. Which, really, as a Christian, I should be used to anyway, as we are all longing for our eternal home, away from this world. (Though Colorado Rocky Mountains in the summer are pretty close to that eternal home, I think ...)

This verse struck me this morning. Home is not my sure steadfast anchor. Neither is family. HOPE is. Hope in Christ is my sure, steadfast, anchor of my soul. 

And for that I'm very thankful, because without that, it'd be super hard to be this far away from home.

It's Official.

Just the other day, Erik and I were driving somewhere in our little town and I half muttered, half exclaimed, "Can you believe we moved to Wisconsin?!" 

Sometimes I pinch myself. It's just so weird. 

I live in Wisconsin. Not Minnesota; Not Colorado--but Wisconsin. 

Seriously. Wisconsin. 

And here's the official proof. It just happened to arrive that same afternoon ....

WHAT?! You  mean I don't get to keep my wonderfully-different-than-everyone-else's green plates with the profile of mountains on them? Seriously? I have to have dairyland plates? 

Well, at least now I'll no longer get dirty looks on the interstate. 

I'm not longer an out-of-towner--I'm a Wisconsinite.

Blogging ...

I love my life. 

Joshua is such a joy, my husband is such a servant and leader, and I love Fall. 

It's strange to live in this new place, and not really know anyone, but it has been good for us--good for me. 

Instead of running off to hang out with teens, meet with a friend, or crash at my parents' place, I have to--get to--learn to do life all by myself. Be a mom, all by myself. Get through day-to-day life with an 18 month old, all by myself. 

And what I'm learning, is that I don't have to "get through" or "deal"--it's great! I love it! Yeah, it's tough discerning what's best for him all day long, and it's hard sometimes to lay down my own desires minute after minute, but it's so exhilarating to realize that I CAN do this. I can be a Mom, I can keep a house (keep it perfect? No. Keep it liveable and happy? Yes.) I can work, I can enjoy, I can live in this new place, with my husband, with my son, all by myself.

The New Girl

I'm the New Girl ... and nobody knows.

It's weird really. When I've been the New Girl in the past, people knew.

When I switched schools after first grade, people knew.
When I entered a Christian school in January of 4th grade, people knew.
When I started at public high school after being in private school forever, people knew.
When I switched high schools (and states) in the middle of 9th grade, people knew.
When I started at college, well, we were all new, so, people knew.
When I got married and moved to a new town in CO and started a new job, people knew.
When I had to switch churches because, well, that's what happens to a pastor's wife when her husband gets a new job, people knew.

But now, no one knows. I go to the mall, and I sit alone while Josh runs crazy at the play place. I see ladies and their friends arrive, stroller by stroller with their kiddos, content to sit and chit-chat while their children play.

I go to parks and crawl around with Joshua while other moms have their playdates or cell phone calls, all the while wishing they'd move past that polite smile and ask me my name and where I'm from.

I walked around Target today, and got kind of annoyed with myself because every woman who looked 25-30ish, who wore a wedding band and had 1 or 0 children was a potential friend to me. It's like they had "Possible Friendship" written on their foreheads. Which is truly a great approach to life, but seriously, what am I supposed to do? In a Target? With a cart? Stop and say, "Hi! I think we could be friends. Wanna give it a try?"

It's so weird, being the New Girl. No one knows I'm the New Girl, and I'm not quite sure how to break in! I'm seriously going to start approaching people, groups of ladies (and we all know how intimidating that is) and saying, "Hi! I'm new. I need friends. Will you be my friend?" and see how it goes.

I've been the New Girl a lot in my life. Less than some, but more than others. But this time is definitely weird, because no one knows!

Tattoos and My One Year Old

How do you start a new church?

You tell people about it.

Sounds simple right? Well, not for me. I hate to be perceived as pushy, salesy or "yanking your arm" in any way. And so I tend to shy away from giving the schpeel about our church, even though ...

I believe in the vision
I agree with the mission
I want people to know Christ
and
I think our church is pretty cool
(http://www.ezrachurch.com)

Even then... I still have a hard time. I watched Erik meet a salesclerk and give the schpeel--and even though my tension rose as I tried to evaluate her response, she seemed just fine! She listened, knodded and say, "Oh! Well isn't that nice." (With full Wisconsin accent of course.)

So, I'm trying. In my own way.

Thank goodness for tattoos and my one year old. 

Without these things, I wouldn't know how to start conversations! But having Joshua is an easy in. And the tattoos have proven themselves awesome conversation starters again and again and again.

Case(s) in point ....

At the park the other day, as our children ran around the playground, I met a lady and told her I was new to the area (another easy-in for us right now--it makes people ask us questions!). Told her briefly we are here to start a church. It got a little awkward, as sometimes people don't know what to say to that. Weird thing is, yesterday Erik and Joshua and I went down to a lake side park in Madison and who comes walking up the sidewalk?? This lady and her son! So, we met again, and laughed about how we'd both end up at the same place so far from home. I am now fervently praying that we'll meet again and again and again. :)

At the diner in downtown Sun Prairie, a family of three (Mom, Dad, 10 yr old girl) sat across the aisle from us in their own booth. They ate in peace, while we ate and managed a one year old who has truly discovered the tantrum. (At one point he reared his head back so hard he hit it on the wall, thus screaming louder. Beautiful. I'm pretty sure the whole restaurant turned to watch as I took him outside to calm down.) Niceties were exchanged about how they would trade their 15 year old for our one year old (I think they're crazy) and we got up to leave. Erik and Joshua walked out, and while I gathered the diaper bag, the Dad says, "So, how much did those hurt?" indicating my wrists.

Yea for tattoos.

This led into a quite long conversation about tattoos, pastors, why they don't attend church, how old their kids are, where I live, where they live, what my husband does, how they never woulda guessed he was a pastor, how great Sun Prairie is for raising kids, how they chose their daughter's name, how I share the ten year old's middle name, until finally I asked, "Soooo....does your daughter babysit?"

Now they have a flier for our church, and I have their home phone, all their names, and a great start to a fun relationship with a family who lives only 2 blocks from us! Tattoos and a one year old--nice!

Crazy coincidence, if you believe in those ...

We then stopped by our landlords place to give them some paperwork. After chatting for a while, I mentioned something about meeting a family at the diner, and their daughter Hope babysits ... and my landlord's face went from confused, to thinking hard to ... "Oh! You mean the (insert last name)?" And I said, "Uh....yes...." and she said, "Oh my! Their ten year old is close friends with my daughter! What a great family .... "

Hilarious. This happened the same day that I had run into the lady and her son downtown. God is connecting us all over the place!

And just now, at the park, thank goodness for my one year old ... a young girl, far too young to have the three kids she was playing with, was at the park. I asked her if she was babysitting and she said yep! Turns out she's a college student who lives 15 minutes from here and babysits. I started to walk home, but seriously felt like I was supposed to go talk to her more and get her info. So, I did. I said, "Sorry if this seems odd, but I'm new to the area and sometime soon my husband and I are going to need a date night! Can I get your contact info?" I told her we're here to start a new church, and she seemed intrigued. Typical me, I didn't launch into the schpeel, but I will now proceed to connect with her, ask her to babysit and see where the relationship goes!

Erik and I are going to have a go on a lot of date nights if I keep using babysitting as a way to meet people!

And so, this is how you start a church, and further God's kingdom. Kristin-style.

Smack

So .... I guess I live in Wisconsin now.

What?!

It's such a strange phenomenon, in this modern world of ours, to move to a new place. I often forget we've moved.

In Home Depot, which looks the exact same as in Colorado, I can let the reality of our move fade into the recesses of my mind while working with the paint guy and Erik to determine paint colors. It's as if nothing has changed and we've just decided to repaint a room and finally invest in a step stool. Until suddenly I'm snapped back to reality when the paint guy says, "Oh, so you're gonna wanna buy a snowblower sooner rather than later," with full Wisconsin accent.

Smack--I'm back in reality and remembering that I now live in Wisconsin.

Same thing happened at Chilis the other night. I'm enjoying chips and salsa, like normal, with good friends, like normal, when all of the sudden a Menards commercial plays and that jingle "Save big money at Menards" that you only know if you've lived near a Menards in the past threw me smack right back into reality.

I now live in Wisconsin.

Every time I step outside and feel humidity ... smack, reality.
Every time I get in my car and realize I have NO idea where I'm going ... smack, reality.
Every time I wonder when I get to be done with this "camp" like experience and go back home ... smack reality.
Every time I think about dropping Joshua off to visit his grandparents ... smack, reality.
Every time I realize I feel like I'm just playing house and I'll go back to mine sometime ... smack, reality.

Moving is a strange thing. Especially in our society where most cities and towns have the same big-box stores, similar building styles, and generally nice people. It's seriously easy to forget that you've moved from your home, family and friends until .... smack. Something slams you right back into reality.

Reality is, moving is hard. Reality is, we made this choice, and we will get through this transition.

No matter how many "smacks" it takes, I will start to adjust to my new reality.