Priceless

8 salad plates = $5.52
8 dinner plates = $7.92
2 serving platters =$5.98
1 cool coffee thing = $3.99
Goodwill hunting with my future sis-in-law = PRICELESS

Things I'll Miss

In an attempt to remind myself that this pregnancy really is nearing its end (whether I believe that truth right now or not), I'm going to try to list all the things I'll miss about being pregnant.

Here goes nothin'...

• My shelf. Hands down the best part of having a huge basketball shaped tummy is being able to rest my cereal bowl, water bottle, cup of coffee, whatever on my belly. DEFINITELY miss this convenience when I'm not pregnant! 

• The incredible sensation of feeling my baby squirm and twirl and roll. An honor bestowed on mothers--and I'm so glad I've had the two chances I've had so far to appreciate this miracle!

• Guilt-free donut holes at church. I really should stop, but they're just so yummy ... and nobody judges the 39 week pregnant woman with sugar crystals spattered on her belly shelf. 

• Joshua's child-like understanding of his sister and where she is. So. Adorable. 

• Solid reason for (and the time to) take naps. 

• I really do like some of my maternity clothes, and I get bummed to pack them up again!

• The lesser standard of working out that I can have for myself. A 30 minute walk is an awesome thing while pregnant! It's totally not enough when working off the pregnancy weight. 

• A natural, obvious talking point with strangers, new people at church, and friends. I guess the newborn easily fills that void though ... :)

• Rocking Joshua and Baby Boo at the same time, while still having half a lap and an arm free.

•  Freaking my brother out with my huge belly. He gets so shocked by it, even though he sees me weekly...

• Looking down at the Baby Boo bulge and remembering the pain and discouragement during the years where I wasn't pregnant, and felt like I was the only one who couldn't be pregnant. And the intense sweeping rush of gratitude and joy that follows as I thank God for answering my prayers with a "yes"--and a "yes" two times over at that!

I'm so ready to be done--at over 39 weeks pregnant, with my due date looming, I'm battling impatience. I know I know...I'm not even overdue yet! But since Joshua came two weeks early, it seems to me like Baby Boo is already one week late! I love being pregnant--I truly do. It is such an honor, and I'm so humbled and blessed to have now experienced it twice.

But, Baby Boo, come on out any time! We're ready to meet you!

Crafty Craft Maker and a Football Fan: Part II

I thought I'd go ahead and show you what I ended up "crafting" during this pregnancy. I'm still a little bit in shock that I did ANYTHING crafty, let alone 4 projects. I'm also still a little in shock that my husband watched three football games on Sunday, and is now as Buffalo Wild Wings, in a Packers sweatshirt, to watch the game with all the other crazy rabid fans.

It's just all too weird.

But, in the spirit of embracing my new craftiness (that I think is now over...) here's what I made:

Memory box for Baby Boo

I used some of the same fabric that I used to make the letters of her name (to hang on the wall) I'll have to post a picture of that crafty project later. :)

Made one for Joshua too, but with paper. I got lazy.

I love that his has stuff already! First curls (*sniff*), his favorite nightlight that he broke, and his first drawing. What a big boy I have already!

The recovered lamp, also done in fabric that matches the box and the letters.

And the best one of all...the giraffe growth chart. This kid would NOT get out of the picture! He loves it!

Crafty Craft Maker and a Football Fan

When I married my husband, I appreciated greatly that he wasn't a massive football fan.

When my husband married me, he appreciated greatly that I wasn't a crafty craft maker.

My husband now watches lots of football and apparently I'm doing crafts.

What?!

(I blame his change in habits on Wisconsin. My change is, I believe, purely pregnancy related).

Below are before and after shots of my first attempt at something with fabric, cutting, ironing and glue.

Before

After!

 Only one side doesn't have random cut marks, glue seepage, or seams, but hey--that's one whole side that looks nice! Whoot Whoot!

17 Weeks: Movin' & Groovin'!

My goodness--this baby is on FIRE!

I've been sitting in this comfy chair for about 20 minutes, doing some journaling, reading, and crafting an email that I hope will encourage my ladies in my Growth Group, and "Baby L" has been having a BLAST bumping around inside me! This is the most consistent, lengthy bout of movement yet! So far, since week twelve, I've had random, unexpected jolts of movement, followed by stillness--sometimes days of stillness. But in the last 5 minutes, Baby L has apparently found his or her inner gymnast! I'm sitting here as long as I possibly can to enjoy this confirmation of a growing baby!

Something's been really bothering me lately ... I cannot for the LIFE of me remember how much weight I gained with Joshua! Why does it matter, you ask? Well, it doesn't, really. But the competitiveness in me--the part of me that loves to be competitive with myself (ala "Monica" from Friends, "Take THAT last year me!" Anyone? Anyone?!) really wants to know where I'm at now compared to then.

Anyway, just a random thought I thought I'd share as I sit here and revel in the dance moves of my second child. :)

Second child--whoa. I Skyped for like, 9 minutes with my sister-in-law and long time friend Elizabeth today. She had all four of her adorable children with her--and by with her, I mean climbing over, under, and on top of her. For a very brief moment, I saw all of their precious faces in the camera lens and I thought, "Sheesh! She's got 4 kids! And I'm freaked out about a second??"

My friend Becky told me on Sunday that it's when number 2 comes along that you discover just how strong you really are. She said you'll realize you're stronger than you ever thought possible. I groaned at her and said, "But I already DID that--when Joshua was born!" She laughed and said that nope, you can and will be even stronger.

We'll see, dear friend ... we'll see.

(Becky also has four children, and is one of my heroes. I just don't know how she does it .....)

Well, it seems as if Baby L has ended his or her dance party. I sure enjoyed it while it lasted. I can't wait until Baby L is here and big brother Joshua can teach his younger sibling all of his awesome dance moves and they can commiserate in their baby language and conspire to create all sorts of wonderful mischief to help show this mama just how strong she actually is.

I seriously can't wait--even though it makes me tired just thinking about it. :)

This is what life is all about--learning that nothing, absolutely nothing in this life is about me. If marriage is a relationship that makes me holy (thanks Gary Thomas for that tip), then motherhood is a joyous role that makes me frighteningly aware of my shortcomings, and increasingly and incredibly aware of His strength.

Thoughts in my head

I have a dear friend who always says, "So, I was thinking in my head ..."

Well that's where thinking occurs, right? At least for most of us ...

And I often catch myself or my mom saying, "Well, I was talking out loud ..."

Isn't that how all talking occurs? Out loud?

Just some thoughts I had in my head that I wanted to share.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I borrowed a suitcase from my dad. Every time I open it, I smell the distinct scent of Polo and coffee grounds. The aromas of my daddy. 


I love my brother. He called me tonight and peppered me with questions about something in my life that he felt out of the loop on. That's so sweet--he wants to be in my loop of life. Love. 

I love how people across the country are always shocked when I explain that, no, Denver is not always covered in drifts of snow. No wonder people are confused ... when it does snow in Denver, it makes national news. What a crazy state...

I am a little unnerved about the fact that I'm doing the Myers Briggs certification course in March. Why? I haven't been in class in a very. very. long time. Not sure if I can sit and be attentive from 8-5, four days in a row. 

I made a good choice yesterday ... and a bad choice today. See images.

My son is adorable. Just sayin'...

I still feel like Denver is home. I wonder when--or if--that feeling will ever fade? I kinda hope not ... 

I've read two novels (in the middle of the second) in the past 48 hours. Completely unrelated by authorship, publisher etc, yet both books have had strong themes of generational sin and free will. What should I be thinking in my head about this?

I'm so blessed ... the one time I had to leave a day early for a work trip to beat a snowstorm and that work trip just happened to be to a beautiful resort hotel in a warm climate. I could have just as easily been spending an extra 30 hours in Cincinnati or somewhere else just as dreary.

These were just some of the thoughts I was thinking in my head. And I didn't have anyone to talk out loud to, so I thought I'd blog. Thanks for listening ... er, reading.

this is my life

I was thinking about my life today, and I've decided it's decidedly unique. 

I get to spend a whole lot of time with my child, and a whole lot of time with my husband. 

Other than some work hours (that I stick to pretty well), I'm free as a bird for much of my week. 

One day I can be meal planning and grocery shopping with Joshua, and the next day I'm "jet setting" across the country, landing in a hotel in downtown Des Moines.

I can be sick on the couch on Monday, and running a high energy training session for rural hospital employees on Friday. 

I can be master primer/painter/furniture rearranger one moment, and pastor's wife, ministering via text the next moment. 

I spend 20% of my time in casual jeans and a comfortable top, 75% of my time in workout clothes and/or pajamas, and 5% of my time in one of two Limited suits. 

I can be marketing guru one minute, sales person extraordinaire the next minute, corporate trainer the next, toddler educator the next, and laundry specialist amidst it all. 

I'm always a wife, always a mommy, always a Christian, always a daughter, and every once in a while, a professional speaker. 

I spend random amounts of time with strangers--in cabs, on airplanes, at hotel restaurants waiting for my food, in shuttles, trains, trams, vans and buses. 

I drop my son off at daycare, and 4 hours later, I'm in another state, on my own for 48 hours while the hubby, who is amazing by the way, holds down the fort at home. 

I have seasons of crazy busy-ness, and seasons where it appears I don't work much at all. 

The balancing act of a working mom is a strange one--especially a working mom with such disparity in her schedule. 

From PJs to Limited suits, from emailing from my kitchen to working from the Hyatt. From multi-tasking mommy to corporate trainer lady, from choo choo train conductor to curriculum designer ... 

this is my life. 

Love it.

Facebook Updates

I had a number of Facebook statuses running through my head today that I never got to.

I'd rather not sit and fill up everyone's wall with my random thoughts from the day, so I figured I'd blog it. I should blog more anyway. You know what I found when I gave up Facebook for Lent? I blogged more. Because instead of little one-liner snippets on Facebook, I combined all my daily thoughts for a blog. Perhaps more useful in life ... perhaps not. Maybe it's just interesting, but whatever. I digress.

Random updates from today that I didn't get around to typing out on Facebook:

I sure wish Joshua would learn to say "mommy." I mean, it's super cute that he calls for "Daddeeee" all day, but sheesh, come on kiddo, I'm right here!

Welcome back, T-zone skin. I sure didn't miss you when I lived in perfect world AKA Colorado. 

A little boy (6 y/o) at the park asked me if Joshua was my baby. When I said yes, he said "How old ARE you?" as his 4 1/2 year old sister simultaneously said, "I thought you were the babysitter ...." NICE. 

Open gym night at the Y was a GREAT idea! Credit--me. :) 

I decided today was the day, of all days, to make Joshua eat his dinner. We had to try three times, with many tears, and even a time out (which he still doesn't understand ...) And at the end of the day, he ate a few bites of his hot dog. My reward? A sleepy baby boy who smells of hot dogs. Kinda gross. But pretty sweet. 

Holding a 1 1/2 year old into place in timeout while gripping the timer and watching him frantically sign "All done" is rather depressing. The job of a mommy ....

How important is a good conversation with a great friend? Super. Super important. 

The 4 1/2 year old girl at the park asked me when my baby is going to grow up. I told her he does a little bit every day. As she ran home for dinner, she said it was nice to meet me and she hopes my baby grows up soon. 

Josh watches the Ezra Church video at least 6 times a day. Before it even ends, he's signing, "More! More!" and today he figured out that he doesn't need Mommy. He just hits space bar and it plays again. And again. and againandagainandagain......

I keep wishing I had more restraint and discipline with finances. I do this often--get all geared up to be better about watching spending .... and then I realize I don't know how. Same with eating right .... blah. 

Working out is fun. I should do it more often. So is baking. And dancing with my son. And laying in the grass. And laughing with my husband .... why don't I do these things more often? 

Yesterday, I did my devotions in the bathroom. Cuz there is where I found a minute of peace while Joshua played with the bubbles in the tub. God understands .... 

I could go on .... aren't you glad I didn't put all this on Facebook to fill up your wall? :)

Good bye Old Friends

2005, new kittens

2008, Christmas cats

Pretty Nicolett

Sheridan loves Erik--and his stuff!

Nicky, my princess, 2011, the Giveaway Day

Sheridan, "Evil", 2011, the Giveaway Day

My life is a constant streams of "lasts" and "goodbyes." A little unexpectedly, one of the hardest good byes happened today.

We gave up our cats. My first babies, my princess and "evil" -- nicknames. Don't ask.

Six years ago we got married.

And my Mom's crazy best friend gave us cats for our wedding present. Longest lasting, most rewarding wedding gift. Ever. (actually, she just gave us supplies, and a check to be used for the adoption.)

July 2005, we brought home Nicolett and Sheridan from MaxFund, not realizing that we'd just named them after an actress. TOTAL ACCIDENT! We were not, and still aren't, Desperate Housewives fans. We chose their names after a major avenue (Nicolett) in Minneapolis, our home town, and the boulevard that the store we got them from was on (Sheridan).

These cats have been such a joy in our lives. They truly were lifesavers throughout our struggle with infertility. They cuddled with us, they played with us, they let us cry on them ... I miss them so much..

We got home today, and I immediately looked for Nicky in the window behind the sheer white curtain. I listened for fatty Sheridan's "thud" of jumping off our bed upstairs to come greet us. I waited for Nicky to brush up against my legs and beg for a cuddle and fresh, cold water. I was confused when I saw that the basement door was shut, because we could NEVER leave it shut because that's where their litterbox was.  I'm sure tonight I will miss the weight of Sheridan, who loved to "spoon" with me all night long.

An awful lot lately I have shoved them off my lap, rolled my eyes at their head butts, sighed in exhasperation at their incredibly persistent requests for love ... I know this was the right thing to do. I know their new owner has a lot more love to give than we do right now.

I love my babies ...

And yet, I'm sitting here, shedding tears for my babies, and wondering why I was ever annoyed at Nicky for climbing onto my lap and through my arms while I typed. Because that's all I wish would happen right now.

Day Seven ... The Cleanse END!

I made it! Pretty much without cheating, I made it!

Actually, yesterday my Mom said to me, "You know, you're doing really well. I cheated all the time! I'd eat turkey, blue corn chips ... to get me through the day!"

This was as I was almost fainted, sprawled out in exhaustion on the kitchen island. I dragged my gaze to her and with a heaving sigh said, "So, I'm sposed to be happy that I'm not cheating? As I feel like this?!"

But, she's right--I did it pretty much to the letter. And I do feel really good! I just got back from date night, where I had my first "real" meal in 7 days.

Day Seven Observations:

1) I discovered almond milk this morning. My sister Molly kept saying to me, USE ALMOND MILK in your shakes! But for whatever reason, I didn't. I think I thought it was cheating. Then I read the booklet. Apparently, it's not cheating. I was missing out on yummy calories all week because I didn't read the stupid booklet. So, the shakes today, my last three, were must tastier than the others!

2) It's important to read the booklet. Always always read the booklet.

3) Baking lasagnas was hard ... grilling hot dogs was hard ... but going to Harry Potter and sitting next to my hubby while he munched on popcorn .... UNBEARABLE! I had 15 kernels. And sadly, it wasn't even that amazing. Which continues to prove that ...

4) Cravings and food desires are SOOOOO in my head! Honestly, the veggies I had this week tasted better than those elicit handfuls of popcorn.

The appetizer that ended my detox week.

5) My "real" meal tonight was good, though I had to eat really slow and I definitely could tell, well, um, how do I say this sensitively ... I could tell that my colon and intestines were working differently than ever before and were quite shocked at the sudden arrival of hand made mozzarella, lavender sourdough bread, goat cheese biscuits, arugula gnocchi, porcini mushrooms and sweet corn nage.

6) I quite concerned about how to now ease back into normal life, without returning to my normal self. What principles of eating can I take away from this week? Veggies are yummy? Replace graham crackers with almonds? Fruit is incredible for dessert? One doesn't need popcorn to survive?

7) I'm glad I did it. That's an important observation.

8) I will do it again someday. And make my husband do it with me. :)

9) I hope I've encouraged someone else along the way to give it a go--even if you "cheat" and eat organic turkey as a snack instead of a carrot, it's better than our normal diets of fast food, quick-grab-carb snacks and very little whole, real foods!

10) You won't feel skinny during or after a detox. Just healthy. And a little bit less "cravy" than before. I still desire certain foods, but I'm--at least for now--much more able to say no thanks, or only take a few nibbles. I hope I can keep that up ...

THE END!!

Day Six ... The Cleanse.

Day 6. I'm not sure I believed I'd get here! I think a huge part of my success (so far) was knowing I had to blog about it each night. :)

Day Six Observations:

1) I awoke today with my normal fatigue and desire to lay on Joshua's floor with his teddy bear as a pillow, but without weakness, intense hunger or cravings for bad food. Hip hip hooray!

2) Because of my renewed energy and lack of weak/hungry feeling, I decided to take a walk with my Mom.

3) Taking a walk was a bad idea.

4) I felt my stomach go empty 15 minutes into the 45 minutes walk. And I almost fainted. Stupid stupid idea.

5) After guzzling a nasty green shake, I felt worse. Sick, stomach cramps, nasty. Blah. Ick. Don't try this at home--or anywhere.

6) Finally, I felt better. And realized that today was the best of the days so far, as far as hunger, cravings, weakness etc. Yea for day 6!

7) I cheated. I had a bite of bread. My mother in law led me astray by pointing out that is had no preservatives and was all natural. *sigh* I can't even say it was that amazing. I think it was more the idea of it ... though is was soft, and warm, with a crunchy crust. Mmm.... In my head, it was HEAVENLY.

8) On that note, so much of my cravings are in my head!! I'm realizing this!!!

9) I LOVE veggies! They are so incredibly flavorful! I can't taste this normally because of my taste for chips, cookies and crap. Carrots=amazing! Zucchini=incredible!

10) Glad I did this .. and trying to heed my sister's wisdom. She said, "I was so excited for Day 7 and then I got up and realized ... I still had to do Day 7." So, I'm trying not to be too excited.


But I am .... :)

Day Five ... The Cleanse.

Sigh. Why did I do this again?

Nah, actually today wasn't that bad. Why? Because I cheated. :) I just couldn't get through a day of packing my house and chasing Josh with just a nasty tasting shake, veggies and a banana in me!

So, with my Mom's permission, I had a grilled chicken salad for lunch. Push off the corn relish, picked off the cheese and only used, like, 2 tsp of ranch dressing. HEAVEN!

Day Five Observations:

1) The second stage of the shakes is grosser. It's green. And no one told me it ups to three shakes a day--breakfast, lunch and 2pm snack. Who snacks on green goo?? Me, that's who.

2) The first batch of shakes (Days 1-4) were not that bad--very tolerable. This batch, not so much. I think because it's green. And three a day.

3) One should read the instructions of a cleanse more closely. I did--today. On Day Five. It actually tells me that I will feel "out of sorts" and "hungry." I'm not sure why I just put "hungry" in quotes.

4) I actually had a dizzy spell today. Not sure if that was lack of food, the new stage of actual colon cleansing wonderfulness or simply too much coffee.

5) Intriguing ... I'm sitting here finally reading the pamphlet that comes with the program. It's listing some of the possible "unpleasant short term reactions" --I've had a lot of them! I'm not abnormal! Yay!

6) It says to avoid caffeine. Um, have they met Joshua??

7) Wow. There are recipes in here for better tasting shakes. TOTALLY should have read this little booklet thingy.

8) Didn't get the usual headache today ... I wonder if, now that I'm done with the "revitalizing" part and moving into the "detoxification" part I'll experience new and different reactions. Oh goody.

9) I didn't realize until today that the first part of this cleanse was intended to prepare my body for the second part of the cleanse--the actual detox part. So apparently NOW we are ridding my body of metals, toxins and other such nasty buggers. Good to know! (This link explains the cleanse really well: CLICK HERE)

10) Observation: I really did not know what I was getting into or why. Story of my life ...

Only two more days to go!

Day Four ... The Cleanse.

I don't like Day 4. I didn't like Day 3. Honestly, I haven't really liked any of the days. I'm thinking I'll like Day 7 ... only because it's the end.

Day Four Observations:

1) Woke up exhausted ... that could be from crying about life changes until midnight, but whatever. Let's blame the cleanse!

2) I have decided that today I was in hoarding mode. I ate a lot today--a lot. Granted, veggies, hummice (I'm cheating with the hummice, but come on--it's HUMMICE) and fruit. And my trusty almonds. Now I know--one can overeat on healthy foods.

3) I was reminded today that eating is a habit. A habit a love. And one that I'm tired of doing with pea pods and dry nuts.

4) There's something called detox breath. And I have it. Nas-ty.

5) Um, when am I supposed to start feeling energized and amazing due to the lack of processed carbs, sugars and the increase of natural foods? I feel icky. Still.

6) I think I'm not drinking enough water. Just FYI.

7) I saw 123 on the scale for the first time since early early pregnancy ... it was strange. Strange but good...

8) My sister told me that she remembers dropping weight like crazy the first three days, eating a lot (must be a family thing) the fourth day, and then balancing out again days 5-7. I'll let you know if it's the same for me ...

9) Sometimes getting to 10 is hard. Maybe I should release myself from the perfection of 10 and go back to letters?

10) Day 4 IS the middle of 7 days! Whoot Whoot! Over the hill and rolling down--hopefully super fast with renewed energy and no more detox breath.

You ready for 3 more days of my random semi-worthless observations? Boo-yeah, me too.

Oooo---Hunger pains. Reaching for my water ....

Day Three ... The Cleanse.

I think I'm getting the hang of this!

Day Three Observations:

1) No gnawing hunger pains today--yay!

2) The shake really is better with a whole banana, not just a half, blended in.

3) I switched back to numbers because they are more organized. :)

4) I thought preparing lasagnas for the freezer was rough ... today I hosted a youth group event and grilled 24 hot dogs, tore open bags of chips, set out the makings for smores, and inhaled the aroma of pizza. Seriously--will power.

5) Will power--I do have it. Huh--who woulda thunk?

6) I still really needed/wanted that chicken/rice/veggie dinner by 3:15pm. Counted the minutes .... and it tasted AMAZING. As usual.

7) Still get a headache and feel lethargic around 2ish every day. Coffee slump? Probably. Sugar withdrawal? Definitely.

8) Is Day 4 half way in a 7 day cleanse? Yes, yes it is. YAY!

9) I sat at McDonald's today and truly honestly was not even the least bit tempted--weird! I just drank my water and ate my almonds. Intriguing ...

10) The smores tempted me more than I thought they would ... but I didn't give in. Will power--what an idea!

Tomorrow is half way! Whoot Whoot!

Day Two ... The Cleanse.

I hate this. I'm dying. I hate this. What was I, crazy? I'm dying--literally dying. 

Over dramatic? Yes. But that's me.

Day Two=I hate this detox.

Day Two Observations:

A) The shake was not nearly as good the second day. It was more watery--I'm not sure why. I used a little apple juice and used only half a banana. Not my favorite.

B) No amount of food satisfied my hunger today! And totally not a good idea to start this thing when I'm single-moming it for the weekend. Being the only parent in such heat taking crazy Josh to parks when all I can munch on are almonds and cantaloupe chunks was TOUGH!

C) Oh--I dropped 4 whole pounds between 7am and 11pm yesterday. CRAZY! (Water weight, I know, but crazy!)

D) My sister said that Day Two was her "I hate this" day as well. I think Day One I was like, "Yeah, I can do this. I'm awesome. It'll be great!" and Day Two I awoke to reality, gnawing hunger, a headache the size of India, and discovered, "Yikes--I want food. And not carrots--FOOD."

E) Don't ever think it's a good idea to prepare lasagnas for the freezer on Day Two (or any day for that matter) of a detox. BAD idea. Major temptation to nibble ...

F) I vividly recall glancing at the clock at 4:44pm and registering that I only had to wait 16 minutes for dinner. GLORIOUS!

G) I just realized that yesterday I used numbers for the observation list, today letters. Strange.

H) As I ate my bland chicken, tasteless brown rice, and steamed veggies, my sister Molly mentioned that she had put avocado in her detox dinners for flavor. I raced to the fridge, found avocado, sliced it into my bowl .... HEAVENLY! The clouds parted and angels sang--avocado is my new hero.

I) I've had a headache all day, my faces aches, my jaw bones ache, my vision feels hazy, and I'm lethargic ... What the ... ?!

J) Cherries are amazing. They are my dessert for tonight.

K) 1 through 10 is a lot cleaner than letters .... A-K? Weird.

That's all I guess .... Until Day Three ....

Day One of ... The Cleanse.

Why a cleanse, you ask? Because of a few reasons, that I will now list:

A) Lethargy, poor diet, and consistent aches and case of the "blahs"-time to jump start my system!
B) Poor diet (I know, double listing) combined with the seeming inability to simply eat better--time to jump start my system!
C) Because I'm finally done attempting to get pregnant, being pregnant, nursing, being pregnant again, and miscarrying--time to jump start my system!
D) Um, time to jump start my system?

So, Day One Observations:

1. The shake for breakfast, mixed with water and a whole banana in my Magic Bullet (which I must say, is mostly magic, but no matter what, there's always one chunk of banana that is missed. My sister confirms this, as she has a Magic Bullet too) was not all that bad! Molly set me up to think it would be awful, but when I'm hungry, I'm hungry. Now, talk to me on Day 7 and shake 13 and we'll see what I think.

2. As I learned with Joshua on "Super Why!", carrots are a good snack. So, I had a carrot--a big one--for a snack. Why don't I do this normally? Hmmm...not sure. Because graham crackers are easy access? And don't require skinning?

3. Almonds do a surprisingly adequate job of satisfying gnawing hunger.

4. I must intake a lot of calories by simply eating a bite of everything I feed Josh! I had to stop myself from eat a piece of his string cheese, a nibble of his turkey, a bit of his cracker ... Seriously!

5. By lunch, I was definitely in need of that second shake with a whole banana mixed in my Magic Bullet. Definitely.

6. Dinner couldn't come fast enough. The almonds just weren't cutting it, so I ate like, half a cantaloupe. Not joking. I swear, it didn't make a dent. I'm not sure what my body was craving, but it did not want cantaloupe and water!!

7. Chicken, brown rice, mixed with carrots, pea pods and zucchini has never ever ever tasted so good!

8. After gorging myself on dinner, I still had an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. That's probably the space that I normally fill with sugar, worthless carbs, processed foods and all sorts of other goodies.

9. I ate 1/2 a package--wait, hold up, 3/4 of a package of blackberries. Heavenly. And I'll probably finish it when I'm done here.

10. I'm tired. I'm assuming it's the sugar low, dip, crash mixed with the high heat and chasing a one year old. I hope this cleanse really does jump start my system ... 6 days to go!

Me? Insecure? Never! ... Well, maybe ... a smidge ...

I was invited to do one last bible study with Discovery Church women before our big move to Madison, Wisconsin. I waffled on the decision for a while, knowing that this summer would be crazy and also knowing that I would love the time with these ladies. Then I saw the book title they'd chosen: So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. And I thought, "Nah, I don't need to read that--I'm not insecure!"

Insert laughter here.

Because only a few pages into the book, I realized wow--I am in these pages, in these examples. Insecurity is not just what I tend to picture--a mousy wall flower woman who can't speak her mind and spends 19 hours choosing an outfit just to change it later. No, insecurity can and does look very different from that.

I could quote a dozen lines from this book, and you'd probably think, "Oh my--that's me! She's talking about me!" even if you are like I was and utterly convinced of your security. No matter what, we've all got something that triggers us. Some broken relationship, some failed promise, some shortcoming or fear that paralyzes us and causes us to forget who we are in Christ. For me, I'm realizing a lot of different things about myself. So anyway, I'll just quote a few:

I constantly feel unqualified, inadequate, and out of my league. I realized this morning that I not only lack security, I also lack faith. I don't just doubt myself, I also doubt God about myself. 

Some of us never seek healing from God for our insecurities because we feel like we don't fit the profile. We think insecurity only looks one way--mousy, maybe even inept--and that's not exactly who we see in the mirror ... Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism. That's where it becomes an art form.

The fact that she [an insecure woman] can be a complicated mix of confidence and self-consciousness is the very reason it took me so long to identify it in myself and admit it. 

Those above quotes are all from the first couple chapters of the book. Those are the quotes, just a sampling, that drew me in and helped me realize this book was good for me. This next quote I read just yesterday, and with my life the way it is lately, boy did I need to read it. This section is in the form of a prayer ...

Lord, help me to learn how to hang on tight to You when my life is rocked by dramatic change. Empower me to trust You and not to panic or fight for control. Help me to stop confusing a change in my circumstances with a change in my security status. You are my security, O God. You are the one sure thing. When everything around me shakes, You are unshakeable. Nothing has the propensity to reveal false gods in me like a sudden change in my circumstances. Help me to see them and surrender them instantaneously. Use change to provoke what needs changing in me, Lord, and to increase my appreciation of the only One who is the same yesterday, today, and forever.


I need to print this up and plaster it all over my walls, mirrors, car and laptop. What is it about change that gets me all jittery and insecure?? My God is in control, my God is orchestrating this change, and He is in it all, blessings, challenges, surprises, twists and turns. He is my Rock, my Guide and my Salvation. Whom--and what--shall I fear?

I'll close with this quote:

No, you are no the only one to blame [for your insecurity], but girlfriend, you are the only one you can change. God is willing, God is able. Let Him get to that terrified part of you that devalues the rest of you.

I highly recommend that you--yes you--read this book. :) Even if you think you're totally and completely secure, I promise you--you're not.