Week 36: How Old Am I?

I'm going to be a mom.

It's actually happening--there's no turning back!

It was during this week that I had this thought, "Wow--Um, what if I'm not ready?"

Now, intellectually, I know I'm ready. I'm 27 for heaven's sake, and have been praying for and preparing for this for over 3 years.

However, when I think inside my head (Robbin Brown, I love how you say that all the time...) about becoming a mom, I tend to think I'm not ready.

I think I think this because I know that really, deep down, I'm just the same girl who, when she was 9, wanted to read Nancy Drew all day and build a fort with her sisters and brother.

Or when she was 13 and the highlight of life was riding to Target on her bike to buy Skittles.

Or the girl who when she was 17 centered much of her world around her high school sweetheart and drama practice.

Or the girl/woman who spent college rollerblading, napping, and goofing off with friends.

Or the wife who struggles to discipline herself enough to make meals, or clean consistently, or spend quality time with the Lord.

See, one part of my mind knows I'm ready to be a mom (I kinda don't have a choice at this point!) but the other "me's" inside my head from years and experiences past sometime cause me to doubt that I can do this. That I can be selfless enough, and scheduled enough and disciplined enough ...

But hey, I don't have to be perfect or perfectly ready to enter motherhood. My son will soon be the joy of my life, my husband will continue to be a support and life partner, and the Lord will continue sustain me, and teach me through each and every experience.

Just like I learned from Nancy Drew ...
and building forts ...
and biking to Target ...
and eating Skittles ...
and having a boyfriend ...
and being in drama ...
and rollerblading, napping and goofing off ...
and struggling to cook, clean and be the "perfect" Christian.

Now I get the amazing opportunity to learn from being a mom. A mom to little Josh, who I hope to meet very very soon!