Saturday, April 17, 2010

Week 36: How Old Am I?

I'm going to be a mom.

It's actually happening--there's no turning back!

It was during this week that I had this thought, "Wow--Um, what if I'm not ready?"

Now, intellectually, I know I'm ready. I'm 27 for heaven's sake, and have been praying for and preparing for this for over 3 years.

However, when I think inside my head (Robbin Brown, I love how you say that all the time...) about becoming a mom, I tend to think I'm not ready.

I think I think this because I know that really, deep down, I'm just the same girl who, when she was 9, wanted to read Nancy Drew all day and build a fort with her sisters and brother.

Or when she was 13 and the highlight of life was riding to Target on her bike to buy Skittles.

Or the girl who when she was 17 centered much of her world around her high school sweetheart and drama practice.

Or the girl/woman who spent college rollerblading, napping, and goofing off with friends.

Or the wife who struggles to discipline herself enough to make meals, or clean consistently, or spend quality time with the Lord.

See, one part of my mind knows I'm ready to be a mom (I kinda don't have a choice at this point!) but the other "me's" inside my head from years and experiences past sometime cause me to doubt that I can do this. That I can be selfless enough, and scheduled enough and disciplined enough ...

But hey, I don't have to be perfect or perfectly ready to enter motherhood. My son will soon be the joy of my life, my husband will continue to be a support and life partner, and the Lord will continue sustain me, and teach me through each and every experience.

Just like I learned from Nancy Drew ...
and building forts ...
and biking to Target ...
and eating Skittles ...
and having a boyfriend ...
and being in drama ...
and rollerblading, napping and goofing off ...
and struggling to cook, clean and be the "perfect" Christian.

Now I get the amazing opportunity to learn from being a mom. A mom to little Josh, who I hope to meet very very soon!


  1. And you will be great at it,cause you won't expect yourself to be perfect. No one is. I'm still learning!
    Walking with you Lizzy! Can't wait!!
    Love you.

  2. I remember when David was probably about one week old, I was giving him a bath and looking down at him and thinking "oh my God, I'm a mom to this baby! I'm a parent, this is my child" and it wasn't in an excited or loving tone "inside my head" it was quite a terrifying thought! The great news is - you are more made for this than you know....but will SOON find out

  3. Kristin - I am on kid #3 and I can totally relate to your thoughts in this post! Seriously......sometimes I look at my kids and still feel like a "kid", like......"do I really have a clue what I'm doing?" hahaha!! I think as little kids we saw our parents as superheros and really? they were probably thinking the same things we're thinking! ;) Excited to hear the news that your little man has arrived!

  4. Bubba's here now!!! I am simply thrilled for you. It's been a long road, but God has been beside you the whole time. I can't wait for this new chapter in your life. xoxo