As usual, Joshua started moaning and requesting food around 6am this morning. I decided I was going to make him wait (in my continued futile attempt to teach any sort of schedule) until 6:15am. So, I actually went downstairs, made coffee, turned on the fireplace, put the big white blanket over the coffee table so hopefully Josh forgets the fun drawers and stops slamming his fingers ... and I went upstairs to get my son. I flicked on the light, said good morning and gave him a huge hug. He coughed and sniffled (yet another cold) and I fed him. I must have dozed off, because a while later I woke to find Josh asleep in my lap. Back asleep? What? NICE! I carefully placed him in his crib ... and then the battle began.
Should Mommy go back to bed and catch some much needed shut eye?
Should Mommy curl up in her favorite chair, fuel her body with too much caffeine, and spend some much needed time with God?
Well, thank you Joshua for sleeping a long time--I got to do both! I rested for 15 minutes, and then got to read my Bible, journal my prayers, complete a lesson on Esther for bible study, and read a chapter in And We Are Changed, a book by Priscilla Shirer that I've been working on for, oh, about 6 months. (PS Great book!! Highly recommend it, and will hopefully post a blog/review on it soon. Or someday. Maybe.)
My soul is so refreshed. Since marriage, I've struggled to carve out that time for God everyday. In high school and college, I would almost always read a passage and journal at bedtime. Something about marriage--staying up later to spend time with Erik, having to get up early, sharing a bedroom and bed with someone else--has caused me to allow that standard time to fade. When I worked at the university, I would often sit in my favorite chair in the mornings--after showering, while I drank my coffee--but since working for my Dad, and since having Joshua ... I sleep til the last possible second and then stumble out of bed, hurriedly catch up on any business emails, and start my day chasing my son with a coffee cup glued to my side.
Maybe if Josh consistently woke at a certain time each day I could get myself to wake 30 minutes before him ...
Maybe if I set a purposeful "work/email" schedule, I could discipline myself to ignore email for 20 minutes and soak in the word instead.
Maybe if I could just get ready for bed half an hour earlier and dedicate that time to the Lord ..
Maybe if, maybe when, maybe someday ... Why is it so hard for me to take a minute or two, walk away from email, realize that Facebook is not urgent, stop worrying about the cleaning, and choose to spend some time with the Source of my strength, peace, joy and LIFE?
I know I'm not alone--and I'm trying hard not to judge myself too harshly. But truly, I know I need time with God--why don't I take it?
But for now, I'm grateful for the moments I had this morning. For today, I made a good choice. Tomorrow is a whole new day--and we'll see what transpires.