Or if it's due to an incredible layer of denial in me that just can't accept that we're leaving.
Either way, I woke up this morning, knowing it was our last day at Discovery Church, but for some reason, did not think through the emotional ramifications of that fact.
I wore non-water proof mascara.
What was I thinking??
It first dawned on me that maybe I was under prepared when I found Lisa, our pastor's wife, debating wearing mascara at all.
I was further enlightened when three women in a row saw me, gave me that head tilt and sad smile and asked, "How ya doing?"
Hmmm ... apparently this is an emotional morning?
Like I said, maybe it's because our house isn't packed, we're here until August-ish ... or maybe I'm in denial. I'm really starting to wonder.
At least now I can picture where we're going, I've met some of the people. I tell friends all the time, "Yep! We're moving to Madison! It's bittersweet--we're excited for the adventure, but sad to leave our home of 6 years and all the family and friends we have here." I explain our reasoning, how God has led us and can articulate the need for churches and outreaching Christians in the area we are going to.
And yet, a big part of me can't believe we're going ..
And so today ...
My last day on stage singing to my Lord at Discovery.
My last day hugging students in the hall and talking about sunburns, boys and summer jobs.
My last day chasing Joshua through a sea of legs, and soaking in peoples' love for him.
My last day partaking in the best communion bread I've ever tasted.
My last day with a pastor with a cool accent.
My last day with a view of the mountains when I walk to my car.
My last day at the church that's members helped me through infertility.
My last day in a place where I've finally found community.
My last day as a youth pastor's wife ...
I just wasn't ready. I should have worn water proof mascara.
This thought has been rolling around in my head for the last day--Just because I don't want to leave here, doesn't mean God doesn't have work for me there. Simple enough, and it's true. And so I just keep reminding myself. When I was 15, I didn't want to move to Colorado. And yet, that transition set a whole different course of action in my life, and so will this.
Discovery, thank you. Thank you for four years of support, tears, joys, learning, stretching, laughing, growing, singing, decorating, planning, partying, loving, meeting, crying, hugging, praying, hoping ...
I just still can't believe we're done ... but here's looking forward to the next adventure. It's because of the send off today, and the support I know we have from our family here that we have the courage to take this next step. So here's to change, faith, and Madison, Wisconsin--get ready, the Lindeens are coming!