Broken Trust

The devotion I read this morning in At His Feet by Chris Tiegreen reminded me of something my sister Tara said when Justin was at war. She said that she couldn't say she trusted in God's protection of Justin, and then also worry. Our actions speak louder than our words when it comes to our beliefs.

For people who have been promised provision, protection, comfort, guidance, forgiveness, salvation, and more, we spend an awful lot of time concerned with just those things. If we say we believe, but act as if we don't, which is a truer reflection of our real beliefs? Words or the attitudes of our heart? ... Our human tendency is to walk by sight, not by faith.

Do I trust God with pregnancy? Probably not. At least, not lately. I'm not sure what has changed. Wow--it's scary to realize the truth. Lately, I've stopped trusting. Blame it on the holidays, the hormones, or the stress ... At some point, I quit trusting. My actions have spoken--loud and clear.

Am I leaning on Him?

No.

Am I trusting Him?

No.

Am I hoping in Him (and not His blessings)?

No.

Am I fighting Him?

Yes.

Am I doubting Him?

Yes.

Am I praying about everything?

Yes, but selfishly so.

Am I content in any and all circumstances?

Not anymore.

Why is it so hard to trust? Why is it so hard to be content? Why do I feel so obsessed? So overwhelmed? So narrow focused? How do I hope again, when hope disappoints? How do I rest in God? Why do I seem to find and lose and find and lose again His peace?

How does one restore a broken trust with God?