Songs from the Journey

I've toyed with this post for a long, long time. Long before Bubba came into existence ... but I never wanted to blog it because I assumed the songs that impacted me would continue to change. But this blog was always in the back of my mind. So I guess it's time to post it! Especially since, as explained in the previous post, I scheduled time to blog tonight for "Week 25" but apparently that's already done ...

Songs along this journey ...

Trust in You ~ Jeremy Camp

When I can't see you, I know you're there
When I can't feel you, I will not fear ...
I will not be afraid ... I will trust in You

This song was very early in the journey. I remember turning it on every morning while getting ready for work. The repetitive nature of the chorus was just what I needed--an anthem to cling to.

Walk by Faith ~ Jeremy Camp

... help me to rid my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
with one breath you make me new
your grace covers all i do
I will walk by faith, even when i cannot see
Well because this broken road, prepares your will for me
Well I'm broken, but I still see your face
Well you've spoken, pouring your words of grace
I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith ...

This song was an anthem for me as well. Just chanting "I will walk by faith" over and over and over did wonders for my soul. Even as i bawled through my singing.

Silence ~ Joy Williams

Are you listening?
to anything that I say?
Cuz I've been praying ...
how many prayers can I pray?
I'm still waiting.
Maybe you'll show up today.
I know you're here, but I can't feel you.
And if you're speaking, I can't hear you.
How much longer will this last?
So okay, answer me with silence.
It's okay, if you don't say a word.
You're testing me to trust you'll be
faithful in this quiet
So okay, answer me with silence.
Why do I question your intentions for me?
When your affection is a proven legacy?
Father, father, turn my fears into peace.
I know your love will never leave,
I know you want what's best for me

This has never been a song I played daily like the Jeremy Camp ones or others, but I still turned to it often because the words were so perfect. The seeming silence was the hardest part of my relationship with the Lord through our struggle. This song spoke to that.

Blessed is the One ~ Daniel Doss Band

Blessed is the one who trusts you...
you say jump to arms wide open
I am scared by I am willing
For blessed is the one,
who trusts you
faithful, just and good
shepherd of my heart
lead me to where you are
I remember all your goodness
Suffering through the desert places
Oh you never said it would be easy
You just promised you'd be with me
You who holds my destiny
I'll follow foolishly
Your love will be my song
So I will trust you
I will trust you in the pain
when I can't see past today
when it's hard to lift my hands to praise you
i will trust you


I remember when I first heard this song. Erik had put it on my iPod and I listened to it in my car. The bridge (bolded lines) is so incredibly powerful; it became my new anthem. I listened to this song every day in the car. My play count is at 131 and counting. My first thoughts when I heard this song, especially the bridge, was "This guy must know the journey of infertility ..." Turns out, he does. (http://emilydoss.blogspot.com/)

Hope Now ~ Addison Road

When I call out your name
something inside awakes
in my soul
how quickly i forget i'm yours
I'm not my own
I've been carried by you
all my life
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
When my life is like a storm
rising waters, all I want is the shore
You'll say I'll be okay
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm
... You've become my heart's desire
and I will sing your praises higher
cuz your love sets me free

This song came to me from Erik also. I listened to it often because I was singing it in church. As I grew to love the song, the emotions came too. I still cry every time I play this song; the theme of Hope, as you know, has been huge for me.

What do I know of Holy? ~ Addison Road

I've made you promises a thousand times
Tried to hear from heaven,
but I talk the whole time
I think I made you too small
I never feared you at all
If you touched my face, would I know you?
looked into my eyes, could I behold you?
What do I know of you?
Who spoke me into motion.
Where have I even stood,
but the shore along your ocean?
Are you fire? Are you fury?
Are you sacred? Are you beautiful?
What do I know, what I know of holy?
I guess I thought that I had figured you out.
I knew all the stories,
and I learned to talk about
how you were mighty to save
but those were only empty words on a page
then i caught a glimpse of who you might be
the slightest hint of you
brought me down to my knees
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life its name?
What do I know of holy?
Of the one who the angels praise?
All creation knows your name!
On earth and heaven above,
what do I know of this love ...

I often found myself turning to this song when I was so confused about God and when I was angry at Him. My lack of understanding was frustrating, but I needed to be reminded that I am so small compared to my Lord. This song was that reminder.

Hold My Heart ~ 10th Avenue North

How long must I pray must I pray to you?
How long, must I wait, must I wait for you?
How long til your face, see you shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging you to notice me!
I'm on my knees, Father will you turn to me?
One tear in the driving rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
hear the sound of my breaking heart?
one life that's all I am
right now I can barely stand
if you're everything you say you are
would you come close and hold my heart
If there's no other way, I'm done asking why ...

So many questions without answers
your promises remain
I cannot sleep but I'll take my chances
to hear you call my name

We went to a Jeremy Camp/MercyMe/Afters concert last year and this band opened. I'd never heard of them, but really enjoyed their songs. Then they sang this ... I just remember tears streaming down my face as I followed the lyrics on the screen. Sometimes I felt selfish and bratty singing the first few lines of this song, but it was my heart. I was angry. By this point in the journey, I was plain pissed off a lot of the time. It was honest, and gut level genuine, and so I appreciated this song in my darkest moments.

Desert Song ~ Hillsong

All of my life in every season
you are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
when favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
This seed I've received I will sow

Desert Song I actually heard for the first time just this month as a Hillsongs United concert. I love Brooke Fraser's voice, and was excited to hear her sing this song that I hadn't heard yet. The bridge is incredible ... and I started bawling. I actually felt really convicted. "In every season, You are still God, I have a reason to sing ... to worship." As our journey went on and on, I remember struggling to worship. Intellectually I could always explain why I should still be able to worship, and why God deserved my praise, but just cuz I could explain it, didn't mean I could physically and emotionally do it. Most days it was just too hard. Or songs like "Mighty to Save" would actually make me angry. "Savior, He can move the mountains ..." Sure, He can but He's NOT! I would think. So when I heard this Desert Song and it's bridge ... I repented of my bitter heart.

Months later, now blessed with a pregnancy and a kicking little baby, I am still dealing with the emotions of this journey. And these songs all have helped bring me to where I am, and will always hold a special place in my heart. All of them still speak to me, and draw me back to those places where I was so desperate, so depressed, so alone. I hope and pray these lyrics can speak to your heart as well!
Every day, I am shown how much the Lord has blessed me. Praise be to the Lord!