Monday, July 27, 2009

My Will? Thy Will?

I just can't wrap my head around the truth that Christ knows my pain. He doesn't just know of it--He knows it. He has felt it. He has asked the same question: "Really? This is the way?" and concluded with the same phrase: "Okay ... Thy Will Be Done."

The phrase "Thy Will Be Done" has been a common one in my life lately. I've heard a podcast and a sermon on it. It keeps coming to mind. I find myself praying it--often. It's kinda freaking me out cuz I'm not quite sure what it is that I'm praying for. See, it's easier to pray for what I
want because I know what that is. I want to be pregnant, I want to be pregnant now, and I want to deliver a healthy baby. And I want this all to happen before my friends are all onto their second and third children. Apparently, this is not coinciding with the whole "Thy Will Be Done" idea. As the tell tale signs once again assault my body (i.e. cramps) I am again reminded that I have no control over this desire of mine. I have no control, no matter how well timed, how well planned, how well prayed for ... I have no control. I can wish, and pray, and hope and (ashamedly) beg, and still ... the answer is no.

To pray "Thy Will Be Done" is to pray for unclear, vague and uncertain. I don't know what His Will is. I know my will. I know my desires. I know my wants, and perceived needs. It's much safer and easier and normal to pray for what I know. It's very difficult to pray for what I don't know--and I don't know His Will. It's hard to understand why He would grant the prayer of pregnancy to so many women around me, but withhold it from me. What is the answer to "Thy Will Be Done?" It's hard to pray something so intangible. It's hard to pray something that I'm afraid I'll disagree with. What is His Will?

Christ prayed this prayer. He prayed "Thy Will Be Done." When I'm upset and questioning, I forget that Christ doesn't just know about, but He knows my pain. He has asked the question. He has resigned Himself to the answer. I forget this when I'm kicking and screaming. I forget this when I'm bawling and shaking. I seem to only think that Christ is the one with "The Will" and I am the one with the pain. I now remember that He doesn't just know about my pain, He doesn't just know the answer to the prayer "Okay, Thy Will Be Done"--He knows my pain. And though, honestly, that doesn't necessarily make the pain easier to deal with, it does make the praying of the "Thy Will Be Done" prayer a little bit easier. I can pray this prayer, even though I don't know what I'm praying, and even though I might disagree with the answer, because I believe the truth--that He is Good, He is Loving, and He is Faithful. His will, then, must be best. Even if it doesn't make sense to me.


Since Jesus went through everything you're going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you'll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want. 1 Peter 4:1-2 (MSG)

3 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing..."Thy Will Be Done" is such a hard prayer to pray!

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  2. Kristin....I love this post, it's so true that it's so hard to really, truly welcome the concept of Thy Will being done instead of My Will! So much easier said than done. This past week I have just been really struck by what you and Erik are going through. You guys have really been on my heart and in my prayers! I've read through some of your blog posts here and you and I seem to have a lot in common when it comes to our personalities!! ;) So, that being said, I won't pretend to be able to relate to the pain that you're suffering or try to say something sweet and flowery about how I "feel sorry" for you. That would be the last thing I would want!! But, I just felt led to leave a comment and let you know that there are women all over the US that are crying with you and praying along side you. My heart is broken for your pain and I am praying that God performs a miracle in your lives and grants the desires of your heart's, and that He gives you the peace, patience, and understanding while you wait for His Will.

    Erica Obstarczyk =)

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