Thursday, March 17, 2011

My Life is Bejeweled--not Bedazzled.

I recently downloaded the game "Bejeweled" to my Blackberry.

I love it.

It has been a rough few weeks, and "Bejeweled" has been a mind numb-er for me. Good or bad, I've been allowing it.

Today was no exception.

Joshua, just about to hit 11 months, has discovered The Tantrum. Complete with laying face down on the floor and shrieking. Good times. Good times. 

I just "re-entered" from a two day trip to Vegas. Good times. Good times. 

Big questions loom in our future, with  no clear cut answers coming anytime soon. Good times. Good times. 

And so I play "Bejeweled".

Just now, as I sat in my favorite chair and mindlessly played the game,
I kept getting stuck on one level. "No moves!" the screen would shout,
and I'd try again. "No moves!"

You know it has been an emotionally charged few hours when I begin to choke up and shed tears because the stupid cell phone game is yelling at me, "No moves!"

And then it hit me--this is my life right now. 

I feel like I have "no moves". And I'm not talking about my dance skills at Jazzercise.

My life, in many ways, is dictated by other peoples' decisions. Other peoples' choices. Other peoples' agendas.

And I have no moves.

I can whine and vent and scream and compile and push and prod and encourage and ask and request ....

But at the end of the day, I have no moves. It's out of my hands. There's nothing I can do.

I can pray, and wait, and seek ... but we all know that knowing that, and being patient through the process are two very different things.

At least with "Bejeweled" I can quit the game. Sometimes I wish I could quit the game in life too. Just throw up my hands and walk away. I don't want to face the challenge, I don't want to be refined. I just want to turn off the cell phone, and find something else to do.

As it is with life, when playing "Bejeweled", I often power through, determinedly forcing myself to keep on keeping on ... only to finally reach the next level and instead of finding relief and triumph, I feel an overwhelming sense of fatigue and discouragement.

This level looks mightily like the last ...
and it only gets tougher from here on out.

1 comment:

  1. Just keep moving! I bet you are making more moves than you realize, and influencing those around you in the process. It may feel dull and/or frustrating at times but that really is what life is about small triumphs amidst bouts of tedium . But in the process there are; Interrelationships, submission to God not self, and getting up and trying again the next day. And there is one person who really sees you, loves you, and appreciates you even if it can't be expressed. And that person is Joshua.