What Do I Know?

I had the honor of leading worship for our church this past Sunday. It was so much fun! Not only did I have a great band backing me, I got to sing some of my favorite songs.

One of my absolute favorite songs, What Do I Know of Holy--Addison Road.

I remember the first time I listened to this song. I was in my car, and I had just bought the album. This is the last track, so it took me a while to get to it. But when I did ...

Blown away.

"I've made You promises a thousand times ..."

"Tried to hear from heaven, but I talked the whole time..." 

"I think I've made You too small ...."

"If You touched my face, would I know You. Looked into my eyes, could I behold You?"

"What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion? 

Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your oceans? Are You fire, are You fury? 

Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?"

How many times has I made promises to God, to try harder, to surrender more, to love more deeply. Only to find myself worn out, embittered, eating cookies on the couch watching Nefllix instead of soaking in the Word. (That's just an example. I'm not eating cookies. Though I was about to watch something on Netflix...)

"I guess I thought that I had figured You out..."

"I knew all the stories ... and I learned to talk about, how You were mighty to save...."

"But those were only empty words on a page..."

It's so easy to think, "All right--I've got it! If I just do A, B, and C, and then pray a little bit more each day, it'll all work out. God and I are golden." But that's just not how it works. I do know all the stories ... but guess what--they lose their meaning if I'm not connected to the Storyteller. Those wonderful felt-board stories from Sunday School way back when are just shadows in my mind if I'm not daily walking with the One who dictated those stories, and caused them to be.

"Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be ..." 

"The slightest hint of You, brought me down to my knees...."

"What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion? Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your oceans? Are You fire, are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?"

"What do I know of holy? What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame? And a God who gives life its name.  What do I know of holy? Of the One who the angels praise? All creation knows Your name. On earth and heaven above, what do I know of this love ... ?"

"So what do I know of You? Who spoke me into motion. Where have I even stood? But the shore along Your oceans ... are You fire are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?" 

What do I know? What do I know of holy? 

So very very little. And I need that reminder every day, because I get up on my high horse and think I've got it all figured out. And I truly, truly don't.